CHRISTMAS OFFER Subscribe to Berkshire Life today CLICK HERE

A pet is for life says Karen Kay

PUBLISHED: 11:10 02 May 2014

Karen Kay, writer and broadcaster. Picture by Ian McIlgorm © IAN MCILGORM 2012..

Karen Kay, writer and broadcaster. Picture by Ian McIlgorm © IAN MCILGORM 2012..


If pester power worked, we would have a pet by now. But we don’t. And it makes me feel bad.

There are many reasons mothers feel guilty: we do too much for our kids. We don’t do enough for our kids. We discipline them. Or we don’t. We give them too much sugar. We work. Or we don’t.

Just being a mum comes laden with the burden of culpability for our every action. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m desperate to do the right thing by my daughter. But, guilt is a heavy load to bear, and hauling it around day in, day out, weighs you down. And nobody is perfect. If I realise I’ve made a mistake, I do my utmost to learn the lesson, put it behind me and look to the future. Relatively guilt-free… except where pets are concerned.

Because pets tug at my heartstrings, too. I have happy memories of Pickle, our first cat, making furry figures of eight as she wrapped herself around my spindly six year old legs. In later years, I loved it when the black bundle of fur that was Purdey curled up on my lap as he purred along to Lesley Judd and Peter Purves on Blue Peter.

My little sister diligently cared for a guinea pig and rabbit, sweeping droppings away and replenishing bedding with handfuls of carefully laid out hay. She wanted to be a vet and relished the rituals of caring for these tiny furry beasts, and I adored that in her. She inherited a pony, a beautiful creature which had belonged to our cousins. Come rain or shine, she would cycle to the stables every day after school to muck out, brush and feed him.

But that was her. I was in awe of her ability to give so willingly. I was, and still am, different. I can’t find the time to look after myself properly, let alone an animal. Some days, a canine companion appeals: the sun is shining and I imagine grabbing a lead and heading off into the woods on a walk. But when I’m under pressure at work, and have housework preying on my mind, the idea of a rain-soaked ramble with a reluctant mutt is just not on my wish-list.

When, in moments of madness, I have fleeting fancies of a Newfoundland bounding around in my life, I’m brought back down to earth when I think of them slobbering everywhere. I find hamsters and mice in cages rather repellent and certainly couldn’t countenance reptiles, birds or other beasts in my life.

But I’m not completely coldhearted. I confess, I would dearly love to have a cat meandering around our home. I like their sense of self, their lack of need. They give and lap up affection in equal measures, but conversely, they’re content to fend for themselves when you forget to feed them as you rush off on an overnight trip.

So, I’ve coveted a short-haired grey – a ‘Sheba’ cat – for many, many years. But it’s not to be. In my twenties, I developed an allergy to cats and horses that has left me hospitalised on a couple of occasions, and in severe discomfort on others. The only pet I feel an emotional draw to is off limits.

But then I had a child, and her needs and desires come into play. It is no longer about ‘me’, but about ‘us’ as a family. And, without a sibling at home to keep her company, I understand her wish to share her days with something small and furry. She reminds me of my sister as her smaller self, with her sweetly nurturing character and aspirations to be a vet. And my heart warms when I see her little eyes sparkle as she cosies up to her aunt’s lovely Labrador.

I can’t cope with a canine in my life. I’d fail the poor thing on so many levels, and I’d never forgive myself if I had to drop it off at the Dogs Trust, with a Paddington Bear-style missive to care for it better than I could.

But I’m coming around to the idea of something more manageable. A rabbit perhaps. Something that we can care for together, while our six year-old reaps the benefits of her bunny friend. I’m not immune to their fluffy little bodies, and I can see that our daughter would take great delight in such a cute addition to the family.

You see, here’s the thing. I feel guilty denying her that rite of passage: that innate need to give part of yourself over to caring for something more vulnerable and dependent. I can’t be the one to say she can’t be as loving to a pet as my sister has always been, because she has that compassion for animals in bucketloads. Who am I to tell her that she must put that to one side? What kind of a mother would that make me? And who knows, I may become a better person for it


Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Berkshire Life visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Berkshire Life staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Berkshire Life account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

More from People

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

We peek inside wildlife painter Catherine Ingleby’s Shurlock Row home, which she has transformed from a dated 70s relic into a colourful hive of creativity

Read more
Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Fashion entrepreneur Siân Adkins found a new direction in life when her parents died, helping both herself and other women to get through the darkest days

Read more
Wednesday, November 14, 2018

If you have been lucky enough to be a homeowner for any significant length of time then you would certainly have been aware of how the value of your property has increased over the years

Read more
Monday, November 12, 2018

Strictly’s waspish judge talks candidly about the show, why same sex couples should be given the chance to dance together and the day one irate fan slapped him on the face in Newbury

Read more
Tuesday, November 6, 2018

The only limit to what you can achieve when redesigning your home is your imagination. Award-winning interior designer Nicola Scannell tells us what she loves most about working on properties in Berkshire

Read more
Monday, October 15, 2018

The impressionist, actor, singer, writer and now pianist shares some thoughts on everything from music to the less welcome sounds of Heathrow before appearing in Berkshire

Read more

Unsurprisingly a common question our clients ask during their annual reviews is: “What effect will Brexit have on my investments and future plans?”

Read more
Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Ascot knows how to raise a glass or two, but might need a double as Absolutely Ascot is filmed, which seems a long gallop from reality in East Berkshire

Read more
Monday, September 10, 2018

Stoke Park’s chef has his first cookbook out, so you create culinary masterpieces at home to impress family and friends

Read more
Monday, August 20, 2018

Drew Burnett’s path to becoming a wildlife photographer is as extraordinary as the images he now captures for us all to enjoy

Read more
Monday, August 13, 2018

Some of the best ideas grow from a chat at the family dining table, and this one blossomed into products now delighting mothers across the country

Read more
Tuesday, August 7, 2018

While the sounds of national anthems as rowers collected gold medals yet again was once music to his ears, veteran coach Mike Spracklen is ringing the changes

Read more
Tuesday, July 31, 2018

The former GB athlete shares the reasons why he loves returning home to Stockgrove, the beautiful spot you too could visit this summer

Read more
Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Jax Meehan knows quite a bit about racing ahead, so when she tired of heading to the capital for her favourite ‘smart casual’ styles and labels she set up shop in her home town

Read more

Newsletter Sign Up

Berkshire Life weekly newsletter
Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Our Privacy Policy

Topics of Interest

Food and Drink Directory

Local Business Directory

Property Search